A Letter to Mother

Hi Mom,

New York is great, thanks for asking. I have an apartment with a view of the street and a job delivering meat. My boss so nice, he told me to punch out and never punch in again. I guess he’s going to pay me under the table, which is where I’ll be waiting for him tomorrow.

You would have a blast here. There is always something exciting going on. Like this morning I was drinking coffee at the bus stop when this guy told me to “stop fucking staring,” so I gouged his eyes out with a ballpoint pen. It’s just like in the movies!

I have good news. I am in love! She lives across the street and I can see her from my place. I like to sit at the window and watch her while she works or does yoga. Sometimes, when I’m feeling frisky I'll take my clothes off. She always pulls the blinds down, but I think she’s just playing hard to get. I don’t know why she has to call the cops, though. I suppose she’s really into role-playing.

This one time, I saw her on the train. She got off at the wrong stop so I got off too in order to tell her. But she must have known what I was going to say when she saw me because her eyes got real big and she hopped right back on that train before the doors closed. I was too slow and had to wait at the station for a whole hour before the next train came, but that’s okay because it gave me time to etch her profile into my forearm with my house keys. Isn’t that romantic?

I miss you so much. I swear I’ll come home to visit soon. And yes, I’ll bring you the still beating heart of my new girlfriend.

Love you,


Elisha